Flutters in my chest…catch my breath.
Is this really love, or is it something else entirely?
Women describe “love” as a jittery rush in their belly, the butterflies-in-the-stomach sensation, or the deep breath you can finally take after holding it for far too long.
They equate this sensation to love—the hallmark sign of finally feeling seen, cherished, and adored.
But what if I tell you that feeling is NOT love…
Those flutters? They’re your nervous system in overdrive, anticipating a long-awaited “yes” but also bracing for the inevitable “When will the other shoe drop?”
It’s not a signal of safety, trust, or genuine love.
It’s a physiological response to trauma, born out of the fear of finally having your needs met…and the instinctive dread that it won’t last.
Let’s call it what it really is: trauma anticipation.
Your body is screaming, “Maybe this is it! Maybe I’m enough this time!”—but that excitement is tinged with anxiety, like a scared child tentatively reaching out a hand, only to pull it back, worried it’ll be slapped away.
You want to know what love should actually feel like?
STEADY. CALM. ANCHORED.
Love should feel like a deep, unshakable knowing that you are valued, heard, and understood.
It’s not fireworks and rollercoasters that leave you dizzy and breathless. True love doesn’t cause flutters—it soothes them. It’s a state of peace, of belonging, of exhaling because you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’re safe and secure in that connection.
But here’s the truth… we don’t just wake up one day capable of feeling this kind of love. No, the hard truth is that you have to heal to be able to receive it.
Because let’s be honest, most of us have been living in a perpetual state of high alert.
We’ve wired ourselves to believe that “love” is the same as craving, longing, or the anxious rush of adrenaline that comes when we’re chasing after approval.
So, when something calm, consistent, and real shows up, we don’t recognize it as love. We dismiss it, reject it, or—worst of all—we sabotage it. Why? Because it doesn’t set off those familiar fireworks in our bellies. It doesn’t fit the script.
But this is where healing comes in.
You’ve got to go deeper—rewire your entire somatic system so that your body learns to read safety as love, not danger.
This means doing the gritty, transformative work: myofascial release, somatic rewiring, digging into that dark well of past hurts, and letting your body feel through it.
FEELINGS JUST WANT TO BE FELT.
It means training yourself to hear what your gut is really saying—not the panicked “Oh my God, don’t let them leave!” but the grounded “This feels good and true. I trust this.”
Because that, my friend, is when you’re capable of receiving REAL love. The kind of love that doesn’t come with strings attached that doesn’t feel like a high-stakes game of “Will he? Won’t he?” The love that settles deep in your bones that you can rely on.
So, to hell with chasing after belly flutters. Flutters are for birds, not for hearts.
Instead…let’s pursue the love that roots us to the ground and makes us feel like we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be. It’s time to stop misinterpreting trauma responses as love stories.
The real love story begins within YOU.
